Amortentia
by curva
Summary: Having been sworn enemies for years, Draco and Harry finally reveal their feelings for each other.   Characters are property of J K Rowling
1. Amortentia Chapter 1

'It's nothing, nothing,' said Slughorn, waving away Malfoy's thanks. 'I did know your grandfather, after all…'

'He always spoke very highly of you, sir,' said Malfoy quickly. 'Said you were the best potion-maker he'd ever known…'

Harry stared at Malfoy. It was not the sucking up that intrigued him; he had watched Malfoy do that to Snape for a long time. It was the fact that Malfoy did, after all, look a little ill. This was the first time he had seen Malfoy close up for ages; he now saw that Malfoy had dark shadows under his eyes and a distinctly grayish tinge to his skin.

'I'd like a word with you, Draco,' said Snape suddenly.

'Oh, now, Severus,' said Slughorn, hiccoughing again, 'it's Christmas, don't be too hard –'

'I'm his Head of House, and I shall decide how hard, or otherwise, to be,' said Snape curtly. 'Follow me, Draco.'

They left, Snape leading the way, Malfoy looking resentful. Harry stood there for a moment, irresolute, then said, 'I'll be back in bit, Luna – er – bathroom.'

'Alright,' she said cheerfully, and he thought he heard her, as he carried off into the crowd, resume the subject of the Rotfang Conspiracy with Professor Trelawney, who seemed sincerely interested.

It was easy, once out of the party, to pull his Invisibility Cloak out of his pocket and throw it over himself, for the corridor was quite deserted. What was more difficult was finding Snape and Malfoy. Harry ran down the corridor, the noise of his feet masked by the music and loud talk still issuing from Slughorn's office behind him. Perhaps Snape had taken Malfoy to his office in the dungeons… or perhaps he was escorting him back to the Slytherin common room… but Harry pressed his ear against door after door as he dashed down the corridor until, with a great jolt of excitement, he crouched down to the keyhole of the last classroom in the corridor and heard voices.

'I'm not surprised at all, Draco, I knew you couldn't do it,' said Snape sourly. 'But why not?'

Draco began to sob. 'Because… If I do… I won't have a chance at – oh.'

'At what?' spat Snape. 'You won't have a chance at what?'

'Love,' murmured Draco. 'Because if I kill Dumbledore, then… h- they will hate me even more.'

'Draco, I cannot comprehend a word of your nonsense, what, or who, are you talking about?' Snape demanded, impatient now.

There was a short silence before Draco could bring himself to say anything. He sobbed quietly for a moment, before taking a deep breath and standing up straight.

'I'm in love with Harry Potter, but he hates me, oh mercy, what do I do?' he said quickly.

Outside, Harry felt like he was going to be sick. Draco Malfoy, Death Eater, in love with him, Harry Potter, his sworn enemy since the first day of school?

'Nice try, Draco, but I will not fall for something that ridiculous. Now, out with it.' Snape growled.

'Fuck you, Severus, I'm telling the truth! Since I met him! I wanted to be his friend, but no, I fucked up, and now where am I? He would hex me halfway to hell, given the chance! I thought you would know what it feels, but you don't, do you? At least she was your friend! You loved her, and she knew; now I love her son and he doesn't know. At least she didn't hate your guts! For years I've watched him, fought him, tried to pretend nothing was going on. But, fuck, I love him! I love him!' Draco shouted, then fell to the floor.

Harry felt the cold hand of guilt grip his heart.

'I am speechless,' mumbled Snape.

'Yeah? You can't talk, while I can't think of what the fuck I'm going to do. Who do I want to trust me more, Voldemort, or Harry? I'd rather die.'

Snape blinked. 'I swore to your mother that I would protect you, and don't deny that you do need me. You look like you're going to die any second now. Given the enormous responsibility of killing Dumbledore, and now you're in love with… Potter,' he spat.

'You don't fucking know!' Draco cried.

'I shall handle Dumbledore. Your job is to get over Potter.' Snape said simply.

'Not fucking likely. One day, I'll tell him. Soon. I don't care what he thinks, I still love him,' replied Draco, walking slowly towards the door now. Harry stood up quickly and moved. Draco opened the door, slipped out, and stopped for a moment. He looked around, right through Harry. As he did, Harry noticed that the rings under his eyes looked more like bruises, although they weren't, but the purple and grey suggested he hadn't slept properly for a long time.

As Draco walked down the hall toward the Slytherin dorms, Harry felt butterflies in his stomach. He couldn't – he couldn't love Draco Malfoy.

But without his control, something slipped out of his mouth.

'Fuck, I love you, Draco.'


	2. Amortenia Chapter 2

Harry had dug out the Marauder's Map a few days later, and he found himself subconsciously looking at it extremely often, his eyes following the footsteps labeled 'Draco Malfoy'. He seemed to spend a great deal of time alone in the Slytherin dorms while he was not in class, and he was never present at breakfast or dinner.

One morning Harry had slipped out the map while Hermione was reading the paper and Ron busy shoving bacon down his throat. Malfoy had been in the hall briefly before, standing over the Slytherin table whispering something to Blaise Zabini. Harry hadn't seen him sit down to eat, however. His heart fluttered as he searched the parchment, then stopped for a moment when he found what he was looking for.

Draco Malfoy was alone in the boys' bathrooms, and it seemed as if he had locked himself in the end cubicle, sitting against the wall. Harry looked up nervously. Hermione flipped the page of the newspaper, Ron started on his scrambled eggs, and Ginny was engaged in conversation with Luna Lovegood in the walkway. Looking down again, Harry saw that Malfoy had moved and was now standing or sitting in front of the toilet. Could he? It was ridiculous, but it made sense. Malfoy, looking deathly pale and skinny, not being able to be around food, now – purging, possibly?

"Ron, Hermione, I've got to go. I'll see you later," Harry said quickly, standing up and running out of the hall.

As he made his way to the bathrooms, he worried about what he was going to say and do. Tell his supposed worst enemy that he loved him? Tell him to eat something; that he was scared he was going to die? Was scared even the right word? No, Harry was terrified. It was irrational, feeling this way about someone he was so distant from.

Malfoy sat in front of the toilet, only bile coming out of his mouth. There was nothing to purge. He hadn't eaten a proper meal in months. For two or three years now he had been eating very little, trying to lose weight and hoping it would impress Harry.

He gave up on trying to get anything more out and turned his attention to the blade beside him. Only small, but it would do. He held it to his wrist, closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then slashed it across his skin. Again and again, blood pouring out all over his left forearm.

Harry meanwhile had been caught up with Hagrid in the corridor.

"Hiya 'Arry, what're yeh doin', rushin' outta breakfast?" he asked, curiously but still as cheerful as he would normally be.

"Oh, um, nothing. Just some homework I've forgotten to do," replied Harry.

"Ah well, yeh better get to it then, 'ave a good day."

Harry managed a smile and darted off once more.

_So much blood, so many scars to come, so beautiful, so morbid. Yes, one day, I will die, and then that's when he will notice me._

Draco's thoughts were just as insane as his actions. He began to feel dizzy and he started to shake. He had lost too much blood.

Harry rushed into the bathrooms and banged on the door of the cubicle Draco sat in.

"Malfoy! Please open the door!" begged Harry.

"What do you care?" was Draco's quiet reply.

"Open it!" Harry shouted, frantic with worry.

"Never."

"_Alohomora,_" Harry cast, and the door opened slowly.

Harry's eyes were first drawn to Draco's face. His eyes full of tears, his skin so pale. The goosebumps on his right arm, and the blood and cuts all over the Dark Mark on his left. He was shivering, and Harry didn't know whether it was because he was crazy and crying, or if he was cold.

He knelt down and wrapped his arms around Draco carefully, trying not to hurt his mutilated arm.

"No, Potter… I'll get blood all over you," winced Draco.

Harry ignored him. "Dra - Er, Malfoy, please, don't worry. You… You're… fuck… oh shit."

Harry could feel how cold Draco was, and he felt so light in his arms as he pulled him onto his lap. He could feel his ribs and spine as he held him close.

"What are you doing here?" Draco asked almost inaudibly.

"I don't want you to die," Harry said without thinking.

"What? What makes you think I'm going to die?"

Harry took a deep breath. "I've seen you, you're so… so… I don't know. You can't play Quidditch properly because you have no energy, you're so tiny and skinny and pale and sick, and it upsets me. Draco, I know I've been a complete asshole since the day we met, but believe me, it was only because I couldn't tell anyone what I really felt. When you offered to be my friend, believe me, I wanted to, I just wanted to wait. But then soon after I got the impression you hated me… Well I don't know. But I heard you and Snape the other night. Fuck, Draco, I had no idea. I love you. I always have. I want you, I want to be with you and I want you to be okay. I love you."

Harry thought he heard Draco laugh quietly. "You don't mean it. Don't try to hurt me even more," he said quietly, still crying.

"I never meant to hurt you, I was just so angry and upset and I couldn't control myself, believe me, Draco. Please! I love you, you are beautiful…" Harry replied, crying too now.

"Harry," whispered Draco.

It was the first time Draco had ever addressed him by his first name.

"Harry, I'm sorry."

Draco took a shallow breath in and out. He was still shaking in Harry's arms; scared and confused.

Harry decided to take a chance. He brought Draco closer to him and kissed him softly. Draco tasted of vomit and tears, but it was beautiful nevertheless.

"I love you," Harry said softly.

"I love you too," replied Draco before he fainted.


	3. Amortenia Chapter 3

Harry decided he wasn't going to take Draco to the hospital wing, because he wouldn't have wanted it. Instead he carried him the short distance to the Gryffindor boys' dorms and set him down on his bed. Luckily everyone else was still at breakfast, although they were sure to be coming back soon.

When Ron walked in and saw Draco's skeletal body on the bed, covered in blood, his face screwed up in disgust.

"What the fuck, Harry? What the fuck is that dirty cunt Malfoy doing in here?" he asked a little heatedly.

"Ron, please, he's sick and I'm scared," Harry said calmly.

"Scared? Why the fuck would you be scared?"

Harry didn't want to say anything, he wished Ron had never walked in. "I don't want to get in trouble."

Ron sat down on his own bed. "You're fucking kidding me."

"Please, Ron, he's not a bad person. Not a word to anyone, please, Ron, I'm begging you."

Ron sighed. "Alright then, I guess. I suppose you'll be here all day too? I'll find some excuse for you."

Harry said nothing; his eyes fixed on Draco, who had now woken up.

"Harry… I'm sorry," he said weakly.

"No. No, it's fine. I wasn't going to take you to the Hospital Wing, because… yeah. Well, everything's fine," Harry replied soothingly.

Ron rolled his eyes, grabbed his Potions book and stood up. "Well, I'll be off," he mumbled as he left.

"Oh fuck, Weasl- Ron? Fuck, how much does he know?" Draco asked, panicking as much as his tiny body could.

"Not a lot, I just said I didn't want to get in trouble. I think he's under the impression that we fought. So yeah, I'm here trying not to get busted," Harry said nervously.

"Thanks. For… lying. And for not handing me over to Pomfrey. Who knows what she would have done to me," said Draco.

"Only what you wouldn't have wanted. Draco, you can't keep doing this, you have to eat something, you have to stop hurting yourself. Which reminds me; I need to get a bandage on your arm."

"I can't eat. I fucked myself up for three years so I could be lovely." He started to cry.

"Please, no, Draco, don't cry any more. Alright. If it makes you happy…" Harry replied, only trying to comfort him.

"Thank you. You're amazing."

Harry smiled a little. "I love you." He kissed him again, harder this time, biting Draco's top lip slightly before pulling away.

Harry bandaged Draco's arm, made him a cup of black coffee, _Accio_-ed his cigarettes and positioned himself on the bed next to him.

"I didn't think this is how we would, you know, get together," Harry mused.

"Who says we're together?" Draco managed to laugh.

Harry swallowed hard. "Oh… um, sorry. I just thought maybe you'd want to… We don't have to-"

"No, I'm kidding, what were you thinking though?"

"Would you like to go out with me, Draco?" Harry asked.

Draco smiled. "Of course, Harry. We have to be very careful and quiet though. Ron's already witnessed us being something other than enemies."

They kissed again, and stayed on Harry's bed for the rest of the day, not caring what trouble they would get in for skipping lessons.


	4. Amortenia Chapter 4

After making countless excuses the next day, Harry and Draco attempted to ignore each other in Potions. Slughorn had prepared Amortentia to show the class, and allowed each of his pupils to have a sniff.

Harry nervously put his head over the cauldron, closed his eyes and breathed in. He smelt cigarettes, leather and blood, which wasn't a surprise to him now. He quickly looked up at Draco, who was standing with Blaise and Pansy at the other side of the room. His smile, though forced, was absolutely breathtaking. Today he had decided to dress Muggle-like, wearing skinny jeans and Doc Martens. With his school shirt and robes. Nobody questioned Draco, though Harry could hear Lavender Brown giggling and raving on about him. Harry moved away from the cauldron, still eyeing the beautiful blonde boy.

Draco decided it was his turn to walk over and smell the potion, walking slowly and trying hard to look like he was happy. He wasn't sure what he would smell, but he was pleased to get his answer. Butterbeer – which he had learnt the day before was Harry's favourite. Draco nearly threw up with the smell of something so disgusting to him, but since it was for Harry's sake, he breathed in again calmly. Owl feathers and… could it really be? The smell of Knockturn Alley, damp and musty. Draco remembered his father telling him that Harry had been spotted there one time before second year started. He certainly had to ask Harry about that.

Draco walked back over to his desk and picked up his textbook, and he was caught by surprise when a note fell out of it.

_Draco,_

_Fancy a walk around Hogsmeade tomorrow?_

_How's eleven? _

_By the way, I love the Muggle clothes._

_Harry x_

He shoved the note into his pocket as soon as he finished reading it, not even giving himself time to think. Since it was Friday, Draco had been worrying about what he was going to do over the weekend. Luckily Harry had just decided for them, well, Saturday at least.

Draco spent his night at the top of the Astronomy Tower, looking out at the grounds, occasionally crying, and always thinking of Harry.

Harry decided to pay Draco a visit. He took out the map, wondering where he could be. His eyes darted over the Slytherin dorms and common room, the toilets and the lake first. He started to worry, not able to find Draco, and panicked when he found that he was at the Tower.

What was he doing? Nothing stupid, he hoped. Harry jumped out of bed, already clothed, pulled his Invisibility Cloak over him and rushed out.

When he got there, he was surprised to see Draco was merely sitting down, looking through the waist-high bars between one of the arches in the walls.

"Draco," Harry said quietly.

"Oh, hi Harry."

"How are you? What are you doing up here?" asked Harry, trying not to sound nervous.

"I couldn't sleep. Happens a lot," Draco replied nonchalantly.

"Oh."

"What did you smell today? In Potions?" Draco wanted to know. Was it him? Or Ginny? Or someone else completely.

"I was just going to ask the same… I'm pretty sure I smelt you. Cigarettes, leather and blood. What about you?" Harry smiled.

"Oh, sounds like me. Butterbeer, owl feathers and, um…" Draco wasn't sure he wanted to mention the last.

"Go on," prompted Harry.

"Knockturn Alley," he said quietly.

Harry smiled again. "Of course. It reminds me of you."

Draco smiled too, and Harry was sure it wasn't forced like the one earlier in class. Harry knew he would be safe in kissing Draco, so he leaned in and their lips touched, softly at first. The kissing grew more passionate, and Harry began to slide his hands up Draco's shirt. He could feel his ribs, then his spine as he moved his hands over his back, still kissing. It was frightening and it upset Harry immensely, but Draco was just so beautiful.

"I love you," Harry whispered between a kiss.

Draco pulled away gently. "I love you too, but I'm just not feeling fantastic right now."

"Oh. Alright, I understand."

Draco looked in Harry's eyes nervously, then pulled out a cigarette and lit it with his wand. "Sorry Harry, I know I'm pissing you off, I'm just so stressed and everything…"

"Don't worry about it, it's completely fine. But why do you do it? It's so… Muggle. It's funny," laughed Harry.

"I'm really sorry… I guess, I started because it made me think of you."

"There's honestly nothing at all to be sorry about. That's adorable. I love you," replied Harry, kissing Draco once more.


End file.
